Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by Tallianna
Summary: Inspiration for this fic stems purely from a bunch of icons I saw a couple of years ago and just absolutely loved. Follow the gang as they try to be happy in the middle of rather dark happenings. Warning: CONTAINS SLASH! Don't like, don't read, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

**Inspiration for this fic stems purely from a bunch of icons I saw a couple of years ago and just absolutely loved. Ok, so I guess I was just being a little naïve in thinking that no one had done this before, but as it turns out, there are like 20-something other stories about this list. I read a few and several have things that I don't. One story has something like 500 things on the list. So, here's my rendition of…**

"**Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts…"**

**Please enjoy!**

**Chapter One**

Harry woke with a start.

Unfortunately what had woken him wasn't the sudden realization that there was a major test in Potions the next morning for which he had forgotten to study.

No, no. That would mean that he was attending school. That would mean his biggest concern was passing classes and winning the House Cup.

What had woken the poor teen in the middle of the darkness on an otherwise silent September night, was the sound of voices and the creaking of floorboards.

Quickly snatching up his glasses and wand, he exited his room and made his way, carefully, down the stairs and through the dark halls of Grimmald Place.

As he approached the kitchen the voices got louder and more discernable.

The first voice he recognized was that of his godfather and owner of the house, Sirius Black, quickly followed by that of said godfather's best friend, and suspected lover, Remus Lupin.

Harry was about to swing the door open and waltz in to see what was going on when he heard another voice. This one, as well, was hard not to place. It belonged to his ex-professor and resident double agent, Severus Snape.

Completely caught off guard by the man being in the house, Harry could do no more than stare at the door in front of him.

He had been under the impression that the dark man had gone so completely undercover that they hadn't been able to reach him for at least half a year.

What finally pulled the boy out of his stupor was a small, almost inaudible, whimper that came from the other side of the door.

Unsure exactly why he did it, he found himself walking into the kitchen after having tucked his wand into the waistband of his sleep trousers.

There stood the afore mentioned adults, but what really caught the dark haired teens attention was a figure seated at the table.

Cuts and bruises covered the pale skin that was showing. One grey-blue eye was nearly swollen shut and there were random streaks of dark red flaking in the once purely platinum-blonde hair.

All conversation ceased as soon as the door swung open.

Three pairs of eyes gazed at Harry, waiting for an explanation as to why he was there. One pair stayed trained on the weathered and warped wood of the kitchen table, unable, or unwilling, to look up.

"Harry," Sirius was the one who finally broke the silence. "What are you doing up?"

The worried lines on the older man's face kept Harry from his truthful answer that he had been awoken, so he merely shrugged in response. And once more unsure exactly what he was doing or why, he stepped fully into the room and took a seat directly opposite the battered teen.

Instead of the hundreds of questions they were certain they would be bombarded with, the dark-haired teen stayed silent, simply staring at the youngest Malfoy.

Silence reigned over the kitchen for a solid two minutes. Adults trying to think of some way to explain the situation; Harry cataloguing all of the damage done to the blonde; The battered young man shifting uncomfortably and, subsequently, wincing in pain with each move.

Finally it was Remus who broke the silence. "It's late. Snape, we'll continue our conversation at a more appropriate hour?"

Snape nodded tersely. "Perhaps in a room with a silencing charm or two."

It was Remus' turn to nod before he turned to Harry. "Harry, could you help Draco to his room? He'll take the one next to yours."

Harry looked at the older man in confusion. Why would he need to help the other teen? As far as he could tell, the black rucksack was the only thing the boy had with him.

But when Draco went to stand, Snape walked over and grabbed one of his arms to steady him before he fell.

Still confused, Harry ran to his other side and grabbed Draco's unoccupied arm, almost without thinking.

Shaking both of the wizards off like they were a nuisance, Draco straightened his robe and stepped over the bench he had just been sitting on. Slowly and with as much dignity as the young aristocrat could muster, he took a slow step, breathing out through his nose sharply when he put pressure on his right leg. Four more steps were all the more the young man could take before, upon putting his weight on his right leg, he collapsed, head hitting the doorframe as he went down.

All four of the wizards in the room rushed to see the damage done to the blonde.

"What happened? What was all that about?" Harry finally asked upon hearing Snape say that Draco was unconscious.

While Snape started waving his wand over the boy to assess all of the injuries, Remus let out a heavy sigh. "His leg is broken in many places—"

"Practically shattered, poor kid," Sirius cut in, shaking his head.

Remus rolled his eyes and continued. "—Anyway, he refused for us—"

"You mean, Snape," Sirius cut him off again.

Remus slowly turned to face Sirius, eyebrows raised. "Are you quite finished?"

"I'm finished if you'd get the details right."

"Fine. Draco told Snape that he didn't want him to fix anything and he's been refusing to take any potions, to heal or to numb the pain. So, I'm not really all that surprised that this happened. We should get him up to his room before he wakes up. Harry, can you grab his rucksack?"

Snape had already levitated the prone figure and was headed out the door, so Harry quickly picked up the sack and followed his old professor up the stairs after a quick "Goodnight" to the two men he saw as pseudo-parental figures.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

It had been a week since Harry had awoken to find Draco in the house. In that time, Harry saw the flaxen-haired teen twice. That first night, then the next morning.

And the next morning simply proved that Mrs. Weasley wasn't just overprotective of those she considered her own.

_**Flashback**_

Harry had just trudged down to the kitchen and slumped into his spot at the table. A full plate of food was placed in front of him but before he could tuck in there was a bit of a commotion on the other side of the door.

Just then the young Malfoy heir burst through the door, clearly annoyed.

Pivoting with his crutches, he sat at the table, closed his eyes and let out a drawn out sigh.

"Draco, dear, you really shouldn't over-exert yourself. You need to keep your energy up. You should just let us bring you food. You could really hurt yourself going down those stairs," Mrs. Weasely's motherly tones sounded from next to the blonde.

This time Draco's sigh sounded more exasperated than relieved as he slowly opened his eyes. "I have plenty of energy. Besides, what else would I use it on if not to move around?" He started to roughly scrub his hands over his face.

Mrs. Weasley 'tsk-ed', planting her hands on her hips. "You should get yourself healed, then we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It's quite foolish of you to insist—"

"FINE! If I go back to my room, will you stop pestering me?" Draco finally burst, looking at the portly woman, anger and agitation clearly written on his battered face.

She was shocked into silence for a moment, which Harry didn't know was possible, then recollected herself with a slight nod.

"Good Lord," Harry heard Draco breathe as he stood once more, grabbed his crutches and headed up the stairs.

_**End Flashback**_

For the rest of the week, Draco kept his word. He stayed in his room and if someone wanted something from him, which no one really did, they could go to him. Mrs. Weasley, on the other hand, didn't really keep her word. You could often hear the two arguing about using potions and several times, she even threatened to heal him anyway. Draco, of course, pointed out that the process could be loads more painful if done under protest. This shut her up almost immediately.

After the second day, Kreacher was the one taking him his food, seeing as Mrs. Weasley become rather busy with several other projects.

It was just past supper time on the seventh day and Harry was actually slightly curious. What on earth had the Slytherin been doing all alone for the past week? Maybe he was dead and all to be found in the room he was supposed to be occupying was a pile of food in various states of rot.

So, when Kreacher was getting together the tray of food to take to Draco, Harry intercepted him and volunteered to take it himself.

After much convincing, Harry was headed up the stairs, mumbled curses about half-breeds and blood traitors following him.

Having trudged up the stairs to the correct floor, Harry first glanced at his own door then at the one across the corridor. That first night Remus must have forgotten that Ron was sleeping in the room next to him, so the paler teen was placed in the unoccupied room across from the two.

Knocking on the appropriate door, Harry waited a moment then slowly opened the large plank of wood and poked his head inside.

The first thing he noticed was that the lighting was dim, not that he was really all that surprised. The furniture therein was all a deep mahogany. The drawn curtains over the window, as well as the open ones around the rather large four-poster bed, were a shade of navy that Harry hadn't seen anywhere else in the house. The dark wooden floor had a single Oriental rug in the middle depicting an ancient middle-eastern dragon in shades of blue, purple, red, and brown.

Finally, the dark haired teen spotted the blonde, perched on the bed, staring at Harry as if he couldn't really understand why someone, let alone this particular boy was now in his room.

As soon as Harry stepped fully into the room, holding the tray quite obviously in front of him, Draco's eyes widened and he quickly started shuffling things around on his bed.

Harry noticed several things in that moment; the first being that Draco had had a large laptop computer settled on his lap, before quickly moving it. The second was that there was only one piece of paper Draco actually banished, and quickly at that. All the others he picked up and set on the bedside table closest to the door.

When all was cleared, Draco beckoned the other boy further into the room.

Harry walked to the bed hesitantly. After handing Draco his tray, he was unsure how he should proceed. Obviously the boy wasn't dead, but he hadn't really thought what he would do upon having found the boy alive and safe.

Just as Harry had started to turn back toward the door, a throat cleared and the pale boy stared talking. "So, is the war over now, or something?"

Spinning around, Harry was sure the confusion was clear on his face. "Why would you ask that?"

"Well, it has to be if they've enlisted their hero to go about making room calls. Or maybe Black finally got so fed up he actually killed the elf. Wouldn't put it pass him really." The last sentence was mumbled, as though he were merely thinking aloud.

Instead of answering, Harry looked at the boy on the bed, munching away on his sandwich. "When did you turn 17?" Once the question was out there, Harry was shocked at having asked it. He'd always assumed the boy was younger than he. But the fact that it was already the end of September meant that the boy was still probably the younger of the two.

"Last October. Why? Thinking of getting me a card?" Came the snarky reply.

No, that couldn't be right. There was no way that Draco Malfoy was, what, 9 months older him. There was just no way. That'd make him older than Ron as well. But Hermione was older than all three of them, having celebrated her 18th birthday over a week or so before.

"Why didn't you graduate last year, then?" Harry asked, once more, unsure of why he was asking. This was starting to look suspiciously like a conversation and Harry wasn't sure how he felt about that just yet.

"My parents thought it would be more… beneficial for my mental and social health if I graduated older as opposed to younger. Did you know that if I graduated last year I would have been the youngest in the class?"

There was silence for a moment as Draco drained his soup bowl. "Plus, if I had been a year ahead, I wouldn't have gotten to make your lovely acquaintance. And what a memorable day _that_ was."

Harry couldn't help the smile that blossomed on his face as he shook his head and sat down at the far edge of the bed. "You sure know how to leave an impression on a bloke, you know that right?" He looked straight at the blonde and slowly tapped the side of his nose.

Draco smirked at that. "Looks better slightly off. More of a 'Devil-May-Care' look. Boy Wonder never seemed to be your thing, I was simply trying to help you start your rebellious streak."

"Really? That's what you were trying to do?"

Draco nodded, looking as though he was trying really hard to keep his laughter in.

"You know, Luna said something oddly familiar to your little explanation."

Draco responded by quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," Harry grinned back, trying hard to look serious. "She said that the crooked nose made me look a bit 'devil may care', actually."

Draco's smirk was gone. "That's quite frightening, actually."

Harry burst out in laughter and he could have sworn he heard a small chuckle escape the blonde's lips as well.

Once the giggling had died down, both sat in silence. Draco finished his pumpkin juice and pulling out a bottle of muggle pain killers.

"So, what happened exactly? Who exactly got the drop on you?" Harry was just too curious to let the opportunity pass him up.

Draco immediately tensed up, before he placed 3 of the white pills into his mouth and swallowed with a sip of water. "Let's just say, people don't really like it when you talk bad about their leader. You should already know that. It just so happens that the same 'rule' applies to Death Eaters as well."

Sensing that the light-hearted camaraderie that the two had just shared was definitely gone, Harry nodded and stood. "I can take the tray back, if you're done."

Draco nodded and levitated the tray to Harry's waiting hands, looking like he was somewhere else completely.

Just as Harry was about to close the door behind him, he could have swore he heard a soft, 'goodnight', but he couldn't have been sure because the door closed immediately after that.

A couple hours later, everyone started heading up the stairs and to bed. Harry and Ron lived on the same floor, so, after saying good night to Hermione, they headed up the additional flight of stairs to their respective beds. Just as Harry was opening his door, he turned to bid Ron goodnight and saw him staring at the large corkboard that served as an announcement board.

"Harry," Ron said, eyes not leaving the board. "Wass iss?" He pointed at one of the papers.

The sable haired boy shook his head and walked over to his mate, looking at the board with mild curiosity.

There was a paper that hadn't been there before, pinned atop several others in the middle of the board. Heavy black letters at the top of the parchment announced the title.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_There was a paper that hadn't been there before, pinned atop several others in the middle of the board. Heavy black letters at the top of the parchment announced the title._

"_**Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Hogwarts**_?" Ron read out completely befuddled.

"How 'bout we actually read it all _before_ we start judging the pointlessness of the title, yeah?" Harry recommended before he started reading the short list.

"_1.) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death._

_2.) I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "Cannon Fodder"._

_3.) First Years are NOT to be fed to Fluffy."_

_4.) I will NOT use Slytherin and Gryffindor First Years as Christmas decorations._

_5.) I am NOT a member of the Spanish Inquisition."_

After reading the first on the list, Harry had a hard time continuing. "Too damn funny," he stated once he was finished.

Beside him, Ron was laughing as well, but not nearly as whole-heartedly. "That's great, the bit about Trelawney."

"What are you talking about? The entire thing is hilarious. In fact, just the idea is bloody bril."

"Yeah… eh, Harry?" Ron turned to his friend, looking slightly confused.

"Yeah?"

"What's the Spanish Inquisition?"

Harry simply shook his head, remembering that his friend probably hadn't even understood the whole premise of that particular 'joke'. "Ron, my friend. Tomorrow, I'm going to introduce you to a group of guys I like to call the Python Boys." With that, Harry started back to his room.

Just as he was opening the door again, Ron called out, "Oi! They're not a bunch of Slytherins, are they? We already have too many of 'em in the house for my taste."

Harry just shook his head, cracking up as he bid his red-headed friend goodnight.

The next morning, Ron and Harry were about a quarter of the way through an episode of Monty Python when a soft knock came on the door.

Pausing the clip, both boys' heads turned toward the door as Harry shouted, "Yeah?"

Hermione stuck her head through the cracked door and smile upon seeing both the boys in there. She stepped in and closed the door, walking over to join her two best friends on the bed. "Morning. Did you guys see that list on the board?" She asked, trying to hold back a smile as she laid down next to Harry.

"Yeah. Last night." Ron replied, eyes turning back to the large TV that was hooked up to a small computer on the bedside table, at the end of the bed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron didn't get the last one, so I'm making him watch it."

"Huh?" was Hermione's eloquent response.

"The one about the Spanish Inquisition," Harry gestured to the screen where three men stood in red robes. "Ron didn't get it, so I'm making him watch the Monty Python sketch."

Hermione nodded, understanding what was going on, then frowned in thought.

"What is it?" Harry was concerned. That look was never a good one if Hermione was wearing it.

The girl shook her head. "Nothing, it's just… The Spanish Inquisition one wasn't the last on the list."

This got both boys attention. "It wasn't?" They said in unison.

Hermione shook her head again.

After sparing a glance to the other, both boys jumped up and ran out the door.

Sure enough, there on the piece of parchment were more than five items listed.

"_6.) I will NOT poke Hufflepuffs with a spoon, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are covered in bees._

_7.) I will NOT go to class' sky-clad'."_

Hermione was clutching her stomach giggling while Harry and Ron looked at the parchment in amazement.

Ron reached up to pull the paper down so as to get a better look at it, but as soon as he had a hold of it and started pulling, a small zap of electricity nipped at his fingers causing him to retracted his hand immediately.

"Odd," Hermione stated curiously, tilting her head to the side.

After a moment of silence, Ron finally spoke up. "Why would you poke the Hufflepuffs with a spoon?"

Hermione and Harry looked at the poor boy, astonished. Harry was the one who decided to say something. "We'll watch that one next, ok?"

Ron nodded seriously. "Can we get breakfast first? I'm sooo hungry."

They all turned in the direction of the kitchen.

It wasn't until they were down in the kitchen and eating their breakfast that Fred and George decided to join them.

"Harry, my metaphorical main man!" George said in way of greeting as his counterpart sat down and ruffled the raven hair.

"Did you happen to see the new notice on the board?" Fred asked the three, accepting the plate of food from his twin.

"The one by our room?" Ron asked around his mouthful.

"Maybe, but the one we saw's that one." George gestured with his fork to the message board just next to the kitchen door.

"No way! There's one down here, too?" Harry exclaimed as he jumped up and walked over.

The twins exchanged a look. "Er, mate," Fred started slowly.

"—that board's always been there," George finished.

Harry threw them a look and rolled his eyes before turning back to the notice covered monstrosity.

"There is!" Harry exclaimed excitedly, pointing at the piece of parchment.

The two older boys still seemed completely confused, if not a bit worried for their young friend's mental state.

" 'Moine," Fred leaned toward the girl, but kept his eyes on the boy. "Why is the little one going daft over a notice about physical defense sessions?"

"With Snape, no less," George finished.

"I think he's more excited about the list," the brunette replied calmly.

"What list?" The older gingers asked in tandum.

"Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Hogwarts." Ron read from his spot standing next to Harry, pointing said list out to his brothers.

The twins aparated the few metres to look over the other boy's shoulder, curiosity clearly etched on both of their faces.

"Blimey! Do you see this, Fred?"

"I do indeed, George." Fred reached out and ran a finger down the currently 7-item list, in awe. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"This thing is fuckin' hilarious and we didn't even start thinking it up?" George offered.

"Precisely. This here is bloody brilliant." Turning to the others, they asked in unison. "Who put this up?"

The three younger friends looked at each other, just then realising that they hadn't even thought to question the origins of the list.

"No clue," Harry stated for the others.

It was that moment that Harry noticed Kreacher putting together a tray for the most reclusive member of the household. "Pardon," Harry excused himself from the group and went over to the small creature.

"It's alright, Kreacher. I can take it up to 'im."

The old house elf merely replied with more muttering and swearing than Harry realised a house elf could.

Still slightly shocked by the verbal display, Harry grabbed the full tray and started on the familiar trek up to Malfoy's room.

Music was blasting through the door as Harry went to knock, deciding to just go inside as knocking would have been futile. What he came face to face with was something he had not been expecting at all.


End file.
